Apartment Emergencies

In the past year or so I've been repeating the mantra that I never want to own a home. I know renting is a bitch, and when you have a 90 pound dog you learn this fact more than anyone else. But, like, I'm lazy and I don't know how to fix things. I feel like when you own a home there is always something that needs to be fixed or yard work to be done. I'm not quite sure how this appeals to anyone because there are just so many things out there that I would rather be doing than yard work.

Renting is just easy because if something breaks or messes up even slightly, I call someone and they come over and fix it.

Not long after I moved into my townhouse in Lawrence, I found mold in the back room by the garage. Do you guys realize how hard it is to fix this kind of thing? It involves a lot of work and apparently it's dangerous for your health. Guys, I already have enough to worry about concerning my health what with me eating pizza for five out of seven dinners a week. I don't need mold to come in and fuck this delicate system up. I won't go out like that.

Short story even shorter, I just complained at the leasing office and someone was by with bleach and all that other stuff they use to kill mold. It took, like, a day. If I had owned that townhouse, I would have either had to fix it myself or call someone (and pay them) to come fix it and that would have taken something longer than a day. So if I'm missing some upside to owning a home you can let me know because at this point I am seeing nothing except for being able to own 90 pound dogs as well as a cute little 30 pound dog and maybe even a cat (no one let me go near a pet store, I'm serious).

The other day I was sitting on the couch all innocently and such, probably watching something like American Pickers or Awkward (I'm a complex girl) when I started to hear dishes making noises in the sink. From my experience, dishes don't usually start moving around by themselves. My first reaction is to always yell "Louie!" to 1) see where he is and 2) make him stop whatever trouble he's getting into. This time he just so happened to be laying right next to me on the floor. I figured a cup had just slipped a little, no big deal.

A few seconds later there is a bigger clanging noise, now cups are definitely knocking against each other. What the shit is happening, ghosts don't exist.

APPARENTLY, sinks start THROWING UP water that they have swallowed earlier. And it's disgusting. The dishwasher hadn't been running so the sink just thought it was a good idea to act up for no reason at all because it's a sink and what else does it have to do, you know?

And turning the garbage disposal on does NOT work because the water goes down on one side of the sink and rises up on the other and it threatens to move from a mess in the sink to a mess all over the kitchen floor.

Thirty minutes later, two guys in blue jumpsuits were fixing my sink. And five minutes after that they were out the door. My sink was fixed, and I barely had to get off the couch.

I meant to take a picture and then completely forgot until I went to write this. WOOPS.

-A

I Am Not Cut Out For Improv

About a week ago, my roommate was going to be on a certain daytime talk show getting her hair cut by some celebrity hair stylist. I'm not quite sure how she got involved in that, but it in now way surprises me because this is the kind of stuff she does.

Because I'm super nice (and also because I had nothing else to do) I went to the taping of the show to see her "reveal" of her new hair style. Two things (unrelated to each other) you should know is that 1) I'm not going to say what show it was because I don't want you watching it and 2) my roommates hair is already gorgeous and it makes me hate her on the daily because I just can't do cool things with my hair.

We got to the lot super early for seemingly no reason whatsoever, and then sat around for two hours, super hungry and in need of coffee. Finally, at one in the afternoon, the show got on the road. The show's host came out and girls got excited and I had to fake a smile the whole time in case they filmed me, so that it would make the show look good. Smiling for no reason, while I'm just sitting there staring at a wall, is not my idea of a good time and it's kind of a lot of work. Am I wrong about this? I've never been able to understand people who smile, like, all the gd time. Then again, sometimes I do consider it because then maybe guys would stop trying to be all cute and flirty by telling me to smile when the only thing I'm doing is walking. It might be worth it. What are we talking about?

Oh, so my roommate comes out and of course looks great because her hair pretty much looks the same, only shorter, because what more could you do, ya know? But then, THEN, I had to stand up and talk to the show's host about what I think.

Now, I had some time to anticipate this because they had cut a few other people's hair that morning, and their friends and family had to talk about what they thought. So when I saw this happening, I knew that my time was coming.

Not only did I have to worry about answering some off-the-cuff question about my roommate's hair, but I was super conscious of the fact that there was a huge scratch all the way down my face because this was the morning after the Dog Incident of Twenty-Twelve. You guys saw a picture right after I had been brutally attacked, but the next day it was much worse (for realsies).

So the entire time they're "revealing" the other people, I'm searching through my head for something to say that doesn't sound completely stupid, but also doesn't sound really weird and creepy. Because when I'm nervous and put on the spot that is a thing that I do.

The time comes for my roommate to come out, and they show her Before Picture, and the host says, "her hair is already gorgeous" so I immediately know I'll work off that. Before I know it, my roommate is sitting on the couch with the stylist who cut her hair and I'm asked to stand up to talk to the host, and she asks what I think, and I say "well you were right, her hair was already awesome. So now I get to be even more jealous." Boom. People laughed and I was feeling pretty good with myself because, if you've spent time talking with me one-on-one you're probably aware that nothing makes me happier than when people genuinely laugh at something I say. I can't help it guys, I want to be funny, that's all I want but don't get me off topic.

BUT THEN. The stupid host has to KEEP TALKING TO ME and asks "well, do you want your hair cut?" I stop. In my mind I'm freaking out; I'm not prepared for the question and I'm terrible at improv. So the ONLY thing that comes out of my mind is an unintelligible "uuuhhhmmmmhhh" and then the host basically says, and I'm paraphrasing, "okay, weirdo, sit down now."

THIS IS MY LIFE NOW.

And it's also why I'll never try out improv comedy.

-A

UPDATE: This is why Darius is the best.

Dog Days

Once again I slept in late, but this time it was because I didn't sleep well the night before.
For some reason, since being here, it takes me a really long time to fall asleep. Which, I don't know if you know this, is one of the worst most frustrating things to ever happen to a person.

Once I finally managed to get out of bed (mostly because I heard my phone go off across the room), it didn't take long for me to be showered and at E's apartment. For those of you new to this whole thing, E is my best friend. We drove up to E's sisters house so that E could grab some things before she leaves town, and I was there mainly so that I could play with this little guy:

E's sister, J, sent me this picture Saturday night with the caption "Where's my good friend Al?"

We spent the day there (and at the mall) and then had a fantastic dinner before calling it a night. Mostly what I'm saying is I spent the day around people I like and dogs that are super freaking cute.

I got back to my apartment late but I was wanting to play with Louie, so I was on the ground messing with him and then Play Time went terribly wrong and I ended up getting my face mangled by my dog's nails. Nails, mind you, that I have been meaning to trim but have been putting off making the appointment. So this whole thing was Louie basically giving me the ol' middle finger to me not getting his nails trimmed and it's all my fault. Dogs, they can't just use their words.

And because immediately after it happened (well, after laying on the ground in pain for about five minutes too long), I knew I was going to blog about this and took a picture. To show you that my face WILL NEVER BE THE SAME.

That scratch goes down past my eyes, guys.

-A

Sleeping Until Noon

Whoever wants to judge me for sleeping in until noon can suck it.

Yesterday I slept until past one BECAUSE I COULD and I worked out before going to work. I also started catching up on Breaking Bad which I'm severely behind. At work I did the easiest job I've ever done but I only got to work a little over four hours.

Today I slept until noon and I vacuumed, cleaned my room and the bathroom, dusted in the living room and cleaned dishes. Soon I'll be heading to the gym before I go to the pool to lay out and read a book. So seriously, I'll sleep in until noon all I want because I feel like I'm getting plenty done.

Next week we're going to some show tapings, as well as The X Factor's red carpet premiere and then my mom gets into town. So there will actually be some Exciting Things to write about rather than just talking about the domestic things I get done on a boring day at home.

-A

Something A Little Different

It's not that I haven't blogged about my personal life before- Alyson's Association started way back in 2006 and it was about being in the closet and my best friends and the music I was listening to (that has since been deleted, don't try to stalk my 16 year old self). And then once Alyson's Association became something more, I started up Alyson's Actions (on diaryland and blogger). I kept that up for a long time, though I never really broadcasted it to Alyson's Association's readers.

So now, with the big move to LA and all, I've decided to start something a bit different. I'm going to open up a little more and make it public. So those who like Alyson's Association enough to read about non-TV related things, as well as my friends and family, can kind of follow along with what I'm doing. It's like a vlog in written form. You know, a blog.

-A